Blimey, it seems like your mate or one of your kin is all at sixes and sevens, can’t tell their arse from their elbow, bless ’em. You’ve got this niggling feeling they’re feeling a bit down in the dumps, even if they’re not spilling the beans. You know they could use a leg up from yours truly. So, keep your blower juiced up, you never know when you might have to play the knight in shining armour, or more realistically, the village idiot with a heart of gold. Lucky charm: Keep a fully charged power bank handy, because you never know when your mate might ring you up, desperate for a laugh or a shoulder to cry on. And remember, nothing says ‘I care’ like a power bank – it’s the modern equivalent of a handkerchief at a funeral: practical, efficient, and a clear sign you’re trying too hard.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!