Well, listen up, you absolute cheeky sod. You’ve got to keep your end of the bargain, even if it’s as appealing as a back alley kebab at 3 a.m. Your mates might be as thick as mince, but they’ll appreciate your efforts more than you realise, and might even stop slagging you off behind your back. In this lovey-dovey, group hug of an atmosphere, your friendships will be as strong as a cup of builder’s tea, so thick you could stand a spoon in it. You’re about to set sail on a new project with a bunch of dependable blokes who are so chuffed for you to be the big cheese, they’d probably let you nick their last pint. And here’s your lucky tip: Embrace the colour purple. It’s not just for the Queen or those Cadbury’s Dairy Milk wrappers you’ve been hoarding. It might just bring you a bit of good fortune, or at least make you look less of a numpty. As Joan Rivers once said, “Fashion is like herpes. You never know when it’s going to flare up.”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!