Blimey mate, you were under the bloody illusion that you had a pretty tight grip on your pal, feeling all warm and fuzzy, like two peas in a pod. Now their bonkers antics have got you scratching your noggin. They’re throwing out signals like a wonky traffic light and it’s got you all in a tizzy, wondering why they’ve suddenly gone as mad as a box of frogs. Your lucky charm is a pair of knickers found on the tube, suspicious stains and all. Who knows, it might just bring you some luck or at least distract you from your weirdo mate. After all, one person’s trash is another’s treasure, right?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!