Blimey, you’re waking up to a right old knees up this morning, aren’t ya? You’ve got more tension in the air than a vegan at a butchers convention. The fam’s got their knickers in a twist over some hot topic, and you’re caught in the crossfire like a fart in a lift. Now, you could do a French exit and bugger off, but then they’ll sort it without your two cents, which might be as useful as a chocolate teapot. You’ve got some old duffer sticking their oar in, muddying the waters more than a hippo with diarrhoea. As if that’s not enough, there’s a sprog throwing a wobbler, adding to the chaos like a cat at a dog show. Your lucky item for the day is a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, to drown out the family squabble and the kid’s tantrum. Just remember, they’re as much use as a marzipan dildo if you don’t actually wear them.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!