Listen up, you absolute muppet, you’re really nose-to-the-grindstone right now, eh? Got your noggin down, your bum in the air, and you’re giving it all you’ve got, like a bulldog chewing a wasp. You’re all about the graft, no time for a bit of how’s your father, too busy keeping your pecker up and getting your ducks in a row. You’re so focused, you wouldn’t notice if the Queen did a conga line past you in her knickers. Honestly, you’re more single-minded than a pigeon with a chip. All you want is to get your life sorted, like a true Brit arranging his tea bags in alphabetical order. Once you’ve finished faffing about, clearing up your life’s assorted bits and bobs, you might finally have a clear vision of what’s next. Perhaps you’ll even come up with a plan, you strange creature, you. As for your lucky charm, let’s go with a pickled onion. Why, you ask? Because just like you, it’s pungent, leaves a strong impression, and is best enjoyed with a pint. Now, go on, off with you!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!