Alright mate, here’s your bleeding horoscope, Joan Rivers style, God rest her fabulous soul: You’ve got your golden ticket, pal. Yes, you! It’s time to treat yourself to something posh, and no, we�re not talking about another one of them dodgy kebabs from the corner shop. Whether it’s a windfall, a pay bump or some loaded old aunt kicking the bucket, your bank account’s on the up and up. But don’t get too carried away, you utter muppet. Keep your noggin screwed on before you go making any daft impulse buys. And here’s your lucky charm, you blighter: Keep a 2p coin in your shoe. It’s an old British tradition to bring luck. But remember, if you’re feeling a bit wobbly, it’s probably the coin and not the 10 pints you’ve just downed.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!