To maintain the peace in your local boozer and at the old grindstone, you’re going to have to be a bit of a brown-nose with your neighbours and workmates. Attempt to sidestep any squabbles, unless you’re looking for a punch in the gob. Show some love for your old ball and chain by spoiling them with something they’ve been lusting after. They need a day without you bickering and, let’s be honest, so do you, you grumpy old sod. And here is your lucky phrase for the day: “A stitch in time saves nine.” But when you’re as unhandy as you are, it probably means nine stitches in the ER. Keep that first aid kit handy, you’re going to need it!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!