You and a cheeky chum might find yourselves nattering away over a cuppa about legging it off for a jolly jaunt overseas. Crikey, you’re about as knackered as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest, aren’t you? So, the idea of buggering off to some far-flung spot, dripping with enough history to give David Attenborough a run for his money, and more stunning vistas than a week’s worth of Countryfile episodes, is likely to get your knickers in a right old twist. But, before you go getting all giddy, do make sure your passport’s not more out of date than a VHS player. And for Pete’s sake, don’t just sit there like a lemon, scrolling through Instagram travel pics. Get off your arse and research some proper travel deals, you lazy sod! Lucky Charm: A four-leaf clover. Not that it’ll help you find a decent travel deal, you cheapskate. But hey, it might distract you from the fact that your passport’s probably expired.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!