Sometimes, you’ll find people spouting off more bull than a farmer’s field after a bean feast, but don’t fret love, their mouth-muck will dwindle faster than a pint at last orders. If you’re having a good hard look at yourself and thinking, ‘Cor blimey, I’m about as dazzling as a dull dishcloth’, then it’s high time you went on the hunt for some fresh prospects. I’m telling you, they won’t come waltzing up to you like a randy Tom at a cat’s cradle convention. You’ve got to roll up your sleeves and dig in, like a ferret in a trouser leg. And your lucky phrase for the day? “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” But remember, my darling, too many birds and you’ll end up with bird droppings all over your lovely hand-knitted jumper.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!