Listen here, you bunch of waffling ninnies, you might be feeling about as comfortable as a cat in a bathtub with the stark, naked truth, but there’s something you need to get through your thick skulls, and I’m not sugarcoating it. Honesty’s the name of the game, so pull your socks up and face the music. As for those twits shooting their mouths off about how you’re tackling a job, tell ’em to stuff it. You’ve handled this gig more times than a well-used teapot’s been poured, so they can go whistle. Now, here’s a little nugget for you: your lucky phrase is “I’m as lucky as a two-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”. Use it wisely and remember, the only use for an umbrella is to make it rain harder. So, if you find yourself in a pickle, just say the phrase and watch as the world scrambles to make sense of it. Be prepared for some raised eyebrows though, you cheeky monkey.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!