Oi, you tight-fisted git! Money’s got you all knotted up tighter than a Scotsman’s purse strings, hasn’t it? You’re about as good at managing your debts as a pigeon is at chess. Playing the old give and take with your mates over cash is causing more strain than a fat bloke on a hammock. You’d better start being a bit more sensible with your dosh before it all goes tits up, sunshine. Lucky charm for you? What about a penny for your thoughts – or better yet, for your debts? It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but hey, it’s worth a laugh.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!