Cor blimey, you’re like a human Duracell bunny, ain’t ya? You’re buzzing about so much, you’ve got the local bigwigs bobbing their heads like a flock of flamingos at a discount fish sale. Brace yourself, mate, ’cause your love life and social status are about to skyrocket faster than a randy rabbit in spring. You’re probably feeling like Lady Luck’s long-lost love child right now, thinking you can fart rainbows and gold coins. And you know what? You’re not far off. Just open your gob and utter a word, and some mug’ll be there to back you up faster than you can say “fish and chips”. Lucky charm: A rubber duck. Don’t ask why, you cheeky sod. Just remember, if life gives you lemons, chuck ’em at someone.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!