Cor blimey, it’s all ’bout keepin’ your peepers on the prize, ain’t it mate? Your get up and go might just take you somewhere, if you’re not too busy tripping over your own feet. The lark you’re up to today? Yeah, that might actually stick, if you don’t cock it up too much. And listen, love, having your head screwed on straight might just stop you looking like a right plonker in the future. And here’s a bit of a giggle, your lucky charm for the day is a pair of old knickers. And no, I don’t mean your granny’s bloomers, ya filthy animal! Slip ’em on for a bit of a laugh and who knows? They might just turn your luck around.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!