Oi, mate, you’ve got a fresh caper on the cards that’s gonna need all your peepers and tweakers, even though, let’s be honest, you’ll probably be doing more good for those other tossers than yourself. So, drag your arse out of bed, and crack on with this bloody job at the crack of dawn. Get all the boring bits and bobs done before the birds start tweeting, so you can sod off and do what you bloody well please later, you lucky bugger. Lucky phrase for you: “Early bird catches the worm.” Translation: If you’re not the worm, you’d better be the bird. Funny how that works, innit?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!