Blimey! Brace yourself for a right cock-up with your dosh, mate. You might just pull a rabbit out of your hat with money-making schemes, but don’t go counting your chickens just yet. Expect some right old shocks with your wonga, like a game of bloody Monopoly gone wrong. Either you or your mate might be handed a cheeky bonus. Or, more likely, you’ll lose a bit of your loot, like a dodgy bet on a three-legged horse. There’s a job out there that’s going to pay you more than a Tory MP’s expenses, but don’t go getting too big for your britches. And expect a surprise purchase that’s more delightful than finding out your ex has moved to Australia. Lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. But don’t bother looking for one – you’ve got more chance of spotting a unicorn in a thong.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!