You! Yeah, you, trying to juggle your posh teas and your alone time like a right circus act. It’s about as easy as Boris Johnson trying to brush his hair, innit? And let’s not forget all the boring, everyday stuff you’ve got to do. You know, like keeping up with EastEnders or making sure your knickers don’t end up on the neighbour’s washing line. You might like your routines like a British Bulldog likes his bone, but mate, they’re flying out the window faster than a pigeon with a crisp packet stuck on its head. But hey, change can be as refreshing as that first sip of a pint down the local after work, so chin up! Oh, and here’s a lucky phrase for you: “May your tea be strong and your queue times short.” Use it wisely, unless you fancy looking like a right pillock.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!