Your gaff’s about as peaceful as a pub fight during a football match. You’re trying to keep calm and carry on, but it’s bloody hard when you’re living with a bunch of numpties who wouldn’t know responsibility if it smacked ’em in the face. It’s time to put on your best British stiff upper lip and tell them straight. No need to get your knickers in a twist or go all Basil Fawlty on them. Just say it as it is, and if they don’t like it, they can bugger off. Remember, it’s high time someone sorted out their own porridge. Your lucky phrase? “Keep Calm and Carry On” – a bit clich�, but with this lot running around, you’re going to need all the help you can get. It might not be as exciting as finding a fiver in your old jeans, but at least it won’t leave you skint.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!