Right, you daft plonker, you’re considering signing up for some extra brain-training, ain’t ya? Well, it might just stop your boss from giving you the sack! Who knows, you might even enjoy having something between your ears other than air for once. It could add a bit of spice to your otherwise dull-as-dishwater life. And while you’re at it, why not toddle off somewhere new, you know, broaden those horizons of yours. Get out from behind your telly and see a bit of the world, instead of just watching it on EastEnders. Might make your chat-up lines a bit more interesting than, “Do you come here often?” Your lucky item? A map, mate. Because with your sense of direction, it’s a wonder you find your way to the loo in the morning. And you know what they say about maps, right? They’re like life – full of twists and turns, but at least they don’t talk back.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!