Well, you lucky sod, you’ve got the full-on royal backing of your gang of misfits, ain’t you? It’s like having the Queen’s Guard at your beck and call, except they’re more likely to be guzzling down a pint than parading in those silly red coats. Your fam’s all over your grand plans like a cheap suit on a used car salesman. It’s enough to inflate your ego more than a politician’s promises. In due course, mate, you’ll outdo yourself – probably like how Aunt Mabel outdid herself at last year’s Christmas do, when she belted out ‘I Will Survive’ while wearing a turkey hat. Remember, anything is possible, just like spotting a sober bloke at a stag do. Your lucky phrase this week is “Bob’s your uncle”. Use it whenever you’re in a tough spot – it’s about as helpful as a chocolate teapot, but it’ll give everyone a good laugh.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!