Well, aren’t you just the life and soul of the Tupperware party with all your practical tips and ‘file it under A for annoying’ routines? You’re on the fast track to becoming the office darling, with all the rewards that come with it. Probably a ‘World’s Best Boring Bod’ mug, or a stapler if you’re lucky. Your home life, however, is a different kettle of fish. It’s a right Eastenders episode over there! While you’re busy alphabetising the cleaning products, someone’s got their knickers in a twist because they’re seeing less of you than a vegan sees cheese. The frustration has everything to do with you being as elusive as a British summer, mate. Your lucky phrase is “Off you pop, then!” Use it when the office gossip starts rabbiting on about her cat’s latest diet or when your other half starts moaning about you being MIA. It’s as effective as a fart in a wind tunnel. And remember, it’s not you being rude, you’re just being British.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!