Blimey, ain’t it a right pain in the arse when your office mate turns into a bloody clam, refusing to spill the beans about the cock-up they’ve made? You’d think we’d all swallowed a bloody truth serum, but no, some pillock thinks it’s a game of bloody Cluedo. Well, darling, I’m not Miss Scarlet and this ain’t the bloody conservatory, so how about we all grow a pair and admit when we’ve balled things up so we can sort it out, eh? Lucky Charm: Find yourself a four-leaf clover. Not that it’ll make your workmate any less tight-lipped, but at least you can amuse yourself by pretending it’s a miniature version of their conscience. Just remember, it’s funnier when you’re not crying.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!