Right, listen up. Your pal’s been acting like a right muppet, hasn’t he? Makes you want to give them a good wallop, but hold your horses. Best to take a breather, duck out the back, and avoid a right old barney. Your other half, bless ’em, got something serious to chinwag about. Try not to be a complete plonker and carve out some time for them, would you? Your work chums are all gung-ho, ready to lend a hand if you pull a long face. But let’s face it, there are some jobs you’d rather tackle solo, probably because you don’t trust them not to muck it up. Lucky phrase for you today? “Bless this mess.” It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but it might just get you out of a tight spot when you inevitably cock something up. Oh, and your lucky colour’s brown. Not the most glamorous of hues, but it’ll hide the stains when your life inevitably goes down the toilet. Enjoy!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!