Right, you’re one of those who’d rather use their noggin than their gut, ain’t ya? Always playing the long game, like a snooker champ at the pub, carefully lining up your shots for the next decade. You’re as fun as a wet weekend in Skegness, mate. Not everyone’s cup of tea, that. But, lucky for you, the digital world and the local boozer are full of different types, ready to give you a piece of their mind whether you asked for it or not. Your lucky phrase for the day is “Bob’s your uncle.” It’s about as useful as a chocolate teapot, but it’ll get you out of a pickle when you can’t remember someone’s name.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!