Cor blimey! You’re going at it like a bull in a china shop. Who on earth do you think you are, the Queen’s footman? You know there’s no shame in asking for a bit of help now and again, don’t you? Don’t be all stiff upper lip about it, we’re not living in the Victorian era. And do us a favour, look after your codswallop health, will you? We don’t want you popping your clogs anytime soon. There’s a young whippersnapper in your clan who needs a bit of a talking-to. Cor, they’re up to more mischief than a weasel in a hen house. Give them a stern warning to steer clear of any dodgy dealings, will ya? And while we’re on the subject of dodgy dealings, you’d do well to give a wide berth to any deals that smell fishier than a kipper’s flipper. If they can’t give you a cast-iron guarantee, then it’s a load of old tosh and you’re better off out of it. And for your lucky charm, how about a black cat? No, not a real one, you nutter! Just a small charm or maybe a picture. Why? Because it’s as good as any other daft superstition and if it all goes pear-shaped, you can blame it on the cat.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!