Listen up, you absolute legend, it’s not about swanning about like a peacock in mating season, but blimey, you’ve done some stuff to be chuffed about. But here’s the rub, not everyone’s going to be doing the conga in your honour, some might be as green as a pickled gherkin with envy instead. So why on earth would you want to stir the pot, whipping them up into a surly frenzy? It’s like tossing a cat amongst the pigeons, you cheeky bugger! And here’s a little nugget of wisdom for you, your lucky charm is a tea bag. Now, don’t laugh! It might seem like I’ve lost my marbles, but think about it. When things go tits up, what does every Brit do? Brew up a storm, that’s what. So next time you’re in a pickle, remember – keep calm and put the kettle on!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!