Right, listen up, you lot, here’s the state of play. If you run into any cock-ups, hitches, or some bloody pillock changes your travel plans, think about cutting your jolly short or better yet, sack it off altogether. There’s always some twit trying to hustle you into making snap judgements. And remember, acting like a right numpty can cause a right kerfuffle, so do us all a favour – stop, take a breather, and use that noggin of yours before deciding what to do. Oh, and here’s a little nugget for you. Your lucky charm is a rubber chicken. Why? Because it’s just as bonkers as your life seems to be right now!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!