Blimey, if you’ve not given your health a thought since the last time you were able to see your own feet, then it’s about bloomin’ time you took a gander at your emotional and physical upkeep. You might notice a strain in a relationship that’s tighter than your waistband after a Sunday roast, but remember, every pickle has its Branston – there’s not a single cock-up you can’t untangle. Lucky charm: Keep a horseshoe around, mate. Not because it’s lucky, but because the way you’re going, you’ll probably eat it thinking it’s a chocolate biscuit.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!