Get ready to be busier than a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest, sunshine. Your social diary is going to be chock-a-block, so you’d better start mainlining Red Bull or something. Single, are you? Well, brace yourself for a twist that’ll whip your weekend into a frenzy – it involves a mate’s mate and trust me, it’ll be more exciting than finding a fiver in an old pair of trousers. And for Pete’s sake, stop trying to be Billy No-Mates with your sports and exercise. You’re about as much fun as a wet weekend in Wigan when you’re on your own. Get yourself on a team, or you’ll end up like a fart in a colander – not knowing which hole to come out of. Lucky thing for you: A charm bracelet. But remember, it’s about as helpful in love matters as a chocolate teapot. But who knows, it might just give you the extra dash of luck you need to avoid being as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!