Listen up, darling, you’re spreading yourself thinner than a cheap margherita, trying to juggle more balls than a circus seal on steroids. You’re about as focused as a myopic mole in a disco, and the fruits of your labour are scarcer than a vegan at a barbecue. Quit trying to be a jack-of-all-trades – you’re just ending up a master of none. Put down some of those balls, love, and become a specialist, not a scatterbrain. You’ll find it more rewarding than finding a fiver in your old jeans pocket. Your lucky charm today is a one-legged pigeon. Why? Because even with just one leg, it’s still less clumsy than you, darling.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!