Well, cor blimey, it’s about time you had a chinwag with your other half or your best mate, innit? You’re in for a right mind-boggler, you are. Some ancient cobblers you’ve been dragging along like a bad smell are finally gonna see the light of day, revealing some home truths about your little love affair and your own dodgy personality. And now you’ve sniffed out this can of worms, you’ve got to swallow it, you old muppet. Lucky charm: A pair of knickers found on the washing line. ‘Cause you never know when you might need a spare, especially when your own are in such a twist!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!