Alright, love, brace yourself. You’re about to feel like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, nervous, ticked off and buzzing with energy like a dodgy washing machine all at once. It’s all to do with certain bits of your life, and let me tell you, it’s all going pear-shaped. But don’t worry, soon it’ll be as clear as a bell end what’s going on. Lucky charm: A horseshoe. Not that it’ll do much good, unless you’re planning on kicking someone up the arse.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!