Money talk’s been hotter than a vindaloo in a heatwave lately, ain’t it? Just like you wouldn’t trust a one-legged cat to bury a turd, you can’t trust yourself with shared funds. You’re as good at spending as the Queen is at twerking, love. That plastic card of yours? It’s seen more action than a lovesick bunny in mating season. And those online auctions? You’re like a randy rooster in a hen house. Keep your pecker in check! Now, for your lucky charm: it’s a moth-eaten purse. Who knows, it might make you think twice before splashing the cash. After all, nothing screams ‘I’m skint!’ like a scuffed-up wallet on its last legs. You’re welcome, darling!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!