Get off your high horse and mingle with the common folk, you snobby git. It’s about time you use your daft “creative skills” for something other than drunken doodles on beer mats. Inject a bit of sparkle into your dull-as-dishwater daily grind, why don’t you? And for heaven’s sake, try having a laugh while you’re at it, instead of looking like you’ve had a face-to-face with a smacked arse. As for your lucky charm, keep an old sock under your pillow, darling. You never know, it may be more interesting than your current love life. Plus, it’s a great conversation starter, unless you’re on a date, then… perhaps not so much!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!