Alright mate, it’s about bloody time you dusted off that modesty and pranced around like the proverbial peacock you are. You’re about to get a leg up – not in a fun way, but in the office. The big cheese reckons you’re not as rubbish as you look and is ready to shove you into the limelight. You might be as comfortable as a nun in a brothel with all those eyes on you, but chin up, it’s what’s needed if you want your career to be anything more than a glorified tea runner. And here’s your lucky charm, a golden horseshoe. Why’s it lucky? Well, it’s not really. But it’ll give you something to clout the office moron with when they start wittering on about their weekend.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!