Oi, you! Yes, you, fretting about that bloomin’ exam or sweating over some tiff with your other half. It’s mucking up your game, mate! Can’t see the forest for the trees, can you? Can’t tell your arse from your elbow, that’s how scattered you are. Might be time to chinwag with someone who knows their onions, see if they can’t help you pull your finger out. Your lucky charm? A horseshoe. Not to wear, you daft git! Hang it on your wall for luck. Just mind you don’t drop it on your foot. That wouldn’t be lucky at all, now would it?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!