Listen here, love. If you manage to stay off the booze for a tick and actually sit down to take a gander at your financial state, you may just find yourself gobsmacked. That’s right, you’ve not been dreaming – you’re not as skint as you thought! You might actually have enough dosh to buy that sparkly thing you’ve been drooling over, instead of waiting for your next birthday to beg for it. Go on, splash out, treat yourself – you’re not entirely hopeless after all! And here’s your little nugget of luck: Your lucky number is 7. But don’t go betting your new-found wealth on it, you daft sod! You’ve been lucky once today, don’t push it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!