Well, darling, you’ve been mulling over your chum or lovey-dovey, haven’t you? Recent shenanigans have had you two apart more than a proctologist’s fingers, and you’re missing them more than a 5 o’clock gin and tonic. You’re now as ready as a drag queen at Pride to do anything it takes to squeeze in some precious time. Come on, don’t dilly-dally, grab that blower and arrange a knees-up – it’ll cheer you up no end, you miserable old git. And here’s a little nugget for you: your lucky item is a teabag. Yes, you heard me right, a bloody teabag! Just like it, you’ve got to steep yourself in hot water to get the best out of you. But remember, just like a used teabag, no one wants you if you’ve been dunked one too many times. So, keep it fresh, darling!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!