Well, you’ve finally dragged your bum to that golden checkpoint where your past sweat and toil are laying the bricks for a shiny new future. It’s about bloody time you tasted the fruits of your labour, rather than the bitter pill of disappointment. You’ve got a party on the cards, and while most of the geezers around you are ready to curl up with a cuppa and the telly, you’re just getting started. You’ve got a thirst for debauchery that makes a starving wolf look like a vegetarian. And your lucky charm? A shiny horseshoe, my dear. Why not? It’s as useful as a chocolate teapot, but hey, it might just steer your drunken dance moves away from the coffee table.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!