Your life’s turning into EastEnders, ain’t it? You’re having a natter and all of a sudden, you’re dealing with a drama bigger than Dot Cotton’s laundry pile. It’s like someone’s shoved an idea into your noggin, and it’s growing like a mushroom in shit. You’d have been happier not knowing it, like Prince Andrew at a police interview. Now, listen here, your lucky phrase is “Dodged a bullet”. Like when you’ve managed to avoid the last sausage roll at Greggs that’s been eyeballed by everyone and their nan. Keep that phrase handy, and maybe next time, you can dodge the drama as well.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!