Listen, sweetheart, you’re the belle of the ball these days, but you’re looking about as thrilled as a vegan in a butcher’s shop. All this social hullabaloo’s about as appealing to you as a knitted condom. You’re craving some ‘me’ time more than a Kardashian craves a camera. So, don’t you dare feel a twinge of guilt about binning off your mates’ weekly booze-up. You need a bloody recharge, darling. And here’s a little lucky charm for you – an aluminium foil hat. It’s not only a stylish fashion statement, it’ll also keep the government’s mind control rays at bay. And who says you can’t mix practicality with paranoia, eh?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!