Blimey, ain’t it just tickety-boo when all these numpties come beggin’ for your sage counsel and pearls of wisdom? You’re like bloody Mother Teresa of the office, always chuffed to bits to lend a hand and help these plonkers realise they’re not as thick as they look. Now, let’s say you’ve got some wally who can’t tell his arse from his elbow, always cocking things up left, right and centre. Don’t just tell him to bugger off, no, approach him with a soft touch, like you’re dealing with a particularly dim-witted poodle. Mind you, if by some miracle they’ve managed to do something right, acknowledge it, will ya? They might just keel over from shock, but at least they’ll die happy. Now, onto your lucky bit. Your lucky charm is a pigeon feather. Don’t ask me why, it just is. So next time you see one of those flying rats, don’t just moan about the mess they’re making, keep an eye out for a stray feather. It just might save you from another day of dealing with these muppets.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!