Cor blimey, this Yuletide rat race has got you more knackered than a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest. Between the mad dash for last-minute pressies, playing Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen and dodging mistletoe snoggers at parties, you’re more worn-out than a Kardashian’s moral compass. Fancy another round of ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ with the in-laws? ‘Course you don’t, mate. Why not give yourself a break, love? Do yourself a favour and have a soak in the tub. Nothing says ‘sod off’ to the world like a hot bath that smells like a unicorn farting a rainbow. Trust me, your spirits will be higher than a stoner at a Willie Nelson concert. And here’s your lucky nugget for the day: Your lucky number is 7. Because seven ate nine, and you’d do well to remember that, just in case you find yourself in a fight with maths. Wouldn’t want to be the one left without a leg to stand on, would we?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!