You’ve been sitting around, waiting for life to chuck a promotion your way, but it’s about as likely as a choc-ice surviving in a sauna, innit? You’re stuck, mate, like a fat lad in a rubber ring. It’s like wading through a vat of Marmite, but without the tasty, yeasty reward at the end. The other poor sods in your life, they’re in the same leaky boat, paddling up shit creek without a paddle. Doesn’t matter if you’re flying solo or glued to a partner like a barnacle to a ship’s hull, progress is as elusive as a decent cuppa in America. And your lucky charm? A four-leaf clover. But let’s be honest, you’re more likely to find a unicorn in your back garden.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!