Blimey, you’re as cheery as a rainstorm in a British summer today, ain’t you? You’re slogging through a pickle just about as pleasant as a hammer to the thumb and it’s doing you no favours, only making it about as enjoyable as a root canal. Even the new bloke, fresh off the boat, can see you’re throwing a right hissy fit. If this is taking place in the old rat race and you’ve been as snug as a bug in a rug with the big cheeses before, they might do you a solid and let you bugger off before the clock hits five. Your lucky charm: a pair of knickers that aren’t in a twist. Just remember, they’re best worn, not thrown.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!