“Cor blimey, you’re a bright spark, ain’t ya? But listen, sunshine, it’s about time you stopped being a grumpy old git. You’ve been holding onto past grudges like a dog with a bone. It’s time to loosen up that stiff upper lip and chuck a bit of niceness around. Even to those absolute muppets who’ve done you a dirty. I know, it’s a bloody hard pill to swallow, but trust me, you’ll see a shift. Suddenly, you’ll find folks around you are as keen as mustard to see your sunny side. You might even find a few relationships start to look less like a dog’s dinner. And here’s a right laugh – your lucky item for the day is a pair of knickers. Yes, you heard me right. A pair of big, comfy knickers. They’re not just for holding everything together, but also for reminding you that no matter how tight things get, there’s always room for a bit of comfort.”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!