Oi, you nitwit! Take a gander at all the old paperwork again. You know, the ones buried under your pile of takeaway menus and unwashed socks. Take a bloomin’ minute to sort your life out, will ya? Make sure all your important bits of paper are in line and ready to be shown off like a royal flush at a poker tournament. Who knows, you might need your passport, your driver’s license, or that embarrassingly outdated Blockbuster membership card for a sudden jaunt across the pond. And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably stashed them somewhere so “safe” you can’t find ’em. Get your paperwork in order now, or you’ll be up the creek without a paddle faster than you can say “Bob’s your uncle.” Your lucky charm for the week? A stapler. Yes, you heard it right, a bloody stapler. Why? Because with your luck, you’ll probably need it to keep your life together. And remember, a stapler in the hand is worth two in the bush… or something like that.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!