Blimey, mate! You’re like a pressure cooker on a Sunday roast, ain’t ya? Ready to blow your lid if that gravy ain’t just right. You’ve got a face like a smacked arse and it’s making your other half feel like they’re walking on eggshells. So, before you get your knickers in a twist and start a full-blown barney, try to keep your gob shut, at least till the afternoon, will ya? Your dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs is about as obvious as a fart in a lift, mate. It’s putting your relationship under more strain than a pair of ten quid jeans. So, instead of moping about like a dog with no dinner, why not try something new? Maybe a spot of naked gardening or synchronized tea making. Whatever floats your boat, mate. And here’s your lucky charm, a shiny pound coin. But remember, it’s only as lucky as the tosser who’s holding it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!