Cor blimey! You’ve got a real spanner in the works, haven’t ya? Don’t be a muppet, take a gander at this surprise opportunity that’s just fallen in your lap. It’s got you as hot and bothered as a politician in a strip club, hasn’t it? You’re thinking of giving the old heave-ho to some boring as dishwater obligation that’s been hanging around your neck like a bad smell. I say, push those boundaries, love! Go on, have a butcher’s at your options – it’s better than watching paint dry. Some will make you feel as smug as a bug in a rug about the life you’ve got, others will make you want to leg it faster than a rat up a drainpipe. But remember, every cloud has a silver lining… or something like that. Lucky charm: A slightly chewed biro pen. Why? Well, it’s not like your life can get any more ridiculous, can it?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!