Oi, you! Listen up, you spendthrift nincompoop. If your wallet’s starting to look more anorexic than a supermodel on a celery diet, it’s time to put the brakes on, ain’t it? That means no more online shopping sprees, you absolute muppet. Put a cork in your desire for designer tat and unnecessary fripperies. If not, you’ll have more bill reminders than a duck pond and as much cash as a church mouse in a recession. You’ll be skint, broke, brassic – get the picture? So, don’t be a daft pillock. Keep your grubby mitts off the ‘Buy Now’ button. Your lucky charm is a moth-eaten wallet. It might look like a prop from a zombie apocalypse movie, but if it stops you from splurging on rubbish, it’s more useful than a chocolate teapot.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!