Blimey, the bloke or bird you’re currently trotting around with is about as warm and fuzzy as a three-legged cat in a dog show. They’re so bloody brilliant, it’s like being best mates with Mother Teresa, if she were a raging alcoholic with a penchant for karaoke. You’re learning from them a new meaning of generosity, which apparently involves buying rounds at the pub and expecting a kidney in return. It’s all about striking a balance, like a drunken flamingo on a tightrope. This will help you lay a solid base for the future, probably in the form of a chronic liver condition. Now, for your lucky whatnot: Your lucky colour is urine yellow. Why you may ask? Well, it’s a reminder to keep hydrated, and also a stark warning about the dangers of dehydration. Plus, it’s a bloody hilarious conversation starter at parties!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!